Pondering...

Every time we're far away I feel like my heart could crumble into pieces from missing you so much. 
I feel like I can express anything and everything I'm feeling towards you, and even if I know there's 
nothing really there to talk about, I want to because it would be with you. Then I come up with scenes in 
my head of how I would react when I see you and in my head, I get so excited to the point where my smile 
would reach my ears and my legs would reach your back because I get so happy that I just jump on you and 
kiss you, and you would catch me and kiss me back would a smile in your eyes and your lips exposing 
your dimples I love so much. But then I don't understand why every time I do get to see you in person, 
I feel as if I'm not as connected as I had anticipated. I wanna show you how happy I am to see you. 
I wanna jump on you and kiss you and initiate that look that I imagine in my head that causes you 
to give me that smile I love. But I can't seem to do it and every time I see you, it just comes off as if I 
hadn't even been looking forward to seeing your face, feeling your touch...and I'm so sorry that I come 
off that way but I have no idea why I just can't seem to express myself to you. I feel like Hitch because 
I feel like I can only say things behind a closed door knowing you're right behind it but I do care about 
you and truly mean what I say and feel. I wish I knew how to fix it and knew how to make it better. 
I think I just need to not hold back because I do wanna do those things when I see you but I get scared 
of how you would react and I wouldn't want you to be overwhelmed or anything so I don't do it and I 
wait for you to do it. Next time I just need to have the determination to do it and if you react in a bad way,
hey at least I got to try it and then I'd know.
 

***JUST A THOUGHT.