After Thought

The anticipation is there. Always extra emotions, when he's not there I wish he was but when he is there, I feel like I'm not happy completely. Always the anticipation is better, almost like thinking about it is better than it actually happening. Wtf that means? I sure don't know so I'm the wrong person to ask even if it's my own personal question about myself. It's always better when I think it up in my head but when it's actually served, I'm just like "I could fcken care less" 

Mixed up emotions, I guess you can say but nah to be honest, it seems all too clear. It's just for the sex and yeah the exterior sure looks good but the emotion...well I guess THAT isn't even there for me anymore either. I just felt like a robot performing cuz that's what I'm SUPPOSED to do, not what I WANT to do. Expectations are too high? Hmm, maybe but like I said, I never settle for less...so I think ima have to rethink this whole 'heart' thing and go with the 'brain' thing. Yeap, that sounds about right...for now.

It's just odd to have those feelings you think are right so you continue to fight cuz you feel like you're going the right way, but have different vibes and other factors that tell you otherwise.

P.S. LOVE is patient LOVE is kind LOVE DOES NOT insist on its own way. LOVE bears all thing Believes all things Hopes all things. Endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8