So emotional

Maybe it's because it's about to be that time of the month, maybe it's because of these pills, maybe it's the rain, maybe it's a combination of all three [sorry for the TMI] but I'm feeling very emotional right now. I tried to ignore it but it just got triggered when my roommate, who just so happened to be one of my main people told me that a certain friend of hers is coming to visit again. It was good news for her and me too cuz he's coo peeps but it made me think of my own certain friend. 

This certain friend who is about ohhh it's safe to say about 400 miles away. Meaning, I see him, oh about 5 times a year or so. Have you ever felt such a strong connection that keeps you holding on, not even on some emo shit or forceful shit, but because you've reached a deeper, higher level if that even makes any sense. 

To the point where feel your chest pounding with the sound of their name, your face lights up from a glimpse of their smile, and your heart skips when you hear a song or read something that reminds you of them? To the point where even when they're that far away and you hear they aren't doing well, you wish you can reach out your arms to help them and make them feel better? To the point where you ask, "What have I done to deserve something this good?" and you reserve a little section in your prayer just to thank God for blessing you with that certain someone and wish him well. To the point where you forget about past friends and past pains because one thought of their smile, even miles away warms your soul that you feel their very presence is there? 

Ahhh, I've never been one to be good at explaining how I feel but this time around, it just feels so strong, too strong, not to be able to express and every chance I get, I want to shout out, scream out, and yell out at the top of my lungs just how good it feels to feel this way about someone, that it almost hurts. That's just it...it hurts so good!

Do I get mad? Yeah I get mad! Do I get sad? Pshh, of course I get sad too. But the thought of the good things keep me grounded. They keep me from going crazy [well, maybe not cuz I already am at times] but the things that caused me to over think then were the same things that caused me to sit back and realize how good of a 'thing' I have because I was lucky enough to feel this way about someone, about anyone because there are those who have not been as fortunate. So even when I cry, I'm still thankful because at least I was able to pour my heart out and able to express myself FINALLY for the world to know about me and what I feel. I just wish he was here, like the rain.

...but he is.