Misunderstood

I spoke to my mother this evening, asking for money. Knowing that we just paid for spring quarter's tuition, I knew we'd be short, and it would be pushing it...but I called anyways because I knew that my purpose was for the right reasons. But the thing is, she let me know it couldn't happen. She checked my position- THE POSITION I ALREADY KNEW ALL TOO WELL.

I have no way of expressing my oppression

Except through crying.

Tears for the money I shed, that I don’t possess.

The education I continue to fight for

Trying so hard to get the grades.

Fighting with my blood and tears

Only to be mediocre and seen as regular, as average.

My mother works two jobs,

Hardly sleeping,

Hardly eating,

Hardly seeing herself

Only to continue to struggle

And choke

While the descendants of those whose faces are on the money I don’t have

Continue to bask in luxury for having the fair skin to match their ancestors

The same one who made my mother,

My father,

And my ancestors targets

Targets of oppression

With arrows of afflicted pain and suffering

Lack of money

Money runs the world

But my family…

I cannot even crawl let alone walk

Because our feet are stuck on the mud

Working on the fields only to be called “Savage”

And not enough

I’m tired of thinking of money

Sick and tired of always worrying about how we’re gonna pay the bills

And how I can pay for the education

That will get me, get us, out of this cycle.

I try to run with the big dogs

But I just get bitten

And my mind keeps running

But my body has already quit

Because nobody will ever understand why my feet continue to stay stuck

So when I do succeed, people will know why my feet stay grounded,

Because I am reminded of that mud that kept me from escalating

And the privileged people who freely express their privilege,

But for me, I don’t even have the privilege to lift my foot,

Let alone express my oppression

Without being accused of pity-search.

So don’t expect me to respect you

Because you didn’t work for what you have

When I didn’t even have the privilege to be unaware of my position

And everyday to me is another day of suppression.

WHEN WILL IT EVER STOP?

I''m just a soul whose intentions are good, oh Lord please don't let me be misunderstood...