This has got to stop!

I was walking back from class and I realized I had to pick up an application (which I had already picked up previously last Thursday) for this practicum, well pretty much a job opportunity. The application is due today at 4 pm, so I filled it out and turned it in. But the thing is, I had to sign up for an interview time as well, and I didn't remember to do that until I had already left the office.

You see anything wrong with that picture? I DO! First off, I should have filled up the application and turned it in the day after I got it because it was a simple application form with just a few questions. Second, I shouldn't have forgotten to sign up for an interview time when the interviews are supposed to start this week. Third (and this you wouldn't have known because I didn't mention it), I should have attended office hours for my professors and TAs, and made connections with faculty and staff because one other part of the application process is to get a letter of recommendation. How is someone supposed to recommend me for a job when nobody who is qualified to really knows me. I can't get a job despite the fact that I have the qualifications and the essential characteristics to get the job done and well.

Fuckkk! I'm just mad at myself right now. I need to stop bullshitting! I need to prioritize things and stick to them. I need to stop making excuses for myself as to why I don't get shit done that coulda easily been done if I hadn't distracted myself with nonsense. I need to stop focusing on things I want, but rather focus on the things that I need in order to be better so I don't feel so stuck, so low, and so misunderstood all the time. I need to step up and make things happen for myself. I need to stop putting so much effort in things and people who don't even give the same efforts back to me, or the least bit, appreciate the effort I put in. I should stop saying "I shoulda, coulda, woulda" and just do & be. I need to handle business. 

The question is....when?