The Heart of the Matter

"I've been learning to live without you now but I miss you sometimes. The more I know the less I understand and all the things I thought I figured out I have to learn them again...my heart is so shattered by I think it's about forgiveness"

This song seems to speak volumes to me, especially now that it applies so well. I don't even have to really say anything else but just listen to the words and you'll understand where I'm coming from.

I can't even be angry, and I choose not to be. I choose not to fuel the fire of anger so I choose to listen to this song.

It's just so positive and I know it talks about being hurt but "I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore."

I wish I wasn't sad, but I'm only human so I am naturally sad. As a result, I will cry and I did cry. I just might cry some more. However, I've learned and I'm starting to learn again that I shouldn't suppress any of my emotions, good or bad, because they are MY emotions and they're the only way I can remind myself that I am human, and that I shouldn't be ashamed or afraid of how I feel.

I'm thankful for those who empathize with me, instead of sympathizing with me because they help me realize that it's okay to be who I am. It's okay to be emotional and that I don't have to worry about feeling down because they pull me back up. They help me realize how much strength I have within me and even when I'm feeling vulnerable and weak, they're there to act as a foundation I can fall back on.

They've shown me and let me know that I did what I could and I shouldn't be so hard on myself because all I did was love, and there's nothing wrong with that. They let me make my decisions without saying "I told you so" when I was wrong, and they were there to guide me back to the right way.

I cannot emphasize enough about how much it hurts because it really does and I know it will take some time for my heart and myself to recover. Healing is a process. Bu at the same time, there aren't enough words to say how much I appreciate having such real people in my life. They make it a little easier for me to cope and not bring my guards up again.They make it a little easier for me to stand on my own and move forward because I know they'll be there to assist me.

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, and thank you for going there with me. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the love. Thank you for being there. Thank you for not leaving. Just thank you.