It's A Hard Knock Life

As a lot of citizens look back at the happenings of 9/11 or look forward to getting a copy of Jay-Z's new BluePrint 3, I got a lot of things in my mind as well. I'm doing better than, still a lil sick with a headache and a minor cough. But even more so, I'm tired of this hold they keep putting on me.

I went onto my school's website to try and check up on my classes but I was shocked to see that I got a hold on my account. Now, mind you, I was definitely not emailed about this or in anyway notified. I had to find out for myself and if I hadn't tried to checked my classes, I prolly still wouldn't know. This hold started Sept. 1st and it's been more than a week since then. In addition, I got a week left til all fees are supposed to be paid off so my classes won't be dropped but this hold is gonna keep me from even being able to pay those fees even though I got the money for it!

First the issue was financial aid. They put a hold on my financial aid too worth almost as much as an entire school year's tuition with room and board. That stressed me the fuck out, but my parents found a way to get the money out of their own pockets just so I can re-enroll and attend school this coming school year. Now, this comes!

It's like as soon as we fix something or find a solution for something, another problem comes along, hindering me from doing what I want, no what I NEED to do. There are so many people out there who don't even wanna be in school, who would rather be couch potatoes or party animals. But those people have no problems getting and staying in school. But here I am, fighting and wanting to be educated, yet it seems as if all these obstacles keep appearing to prevent me from doing so.

My dad tells me not to worry and that we'll find a way to fix it, to solve it. And I appreciate him trying to calm me down and act so collected so I don't stress myself out anymore. That's the thing though. Why do we always have to compromise and struggle with SOMETHING? My parents have worked so hard and CONTINUE to work beyond themselves to provide for us and help us get to where we can be successful but something always hinders it and I'm tired of seeing their hardwork not pay off the way it's supposed to. I'm tired of seeing them defenseless and disappointed and not be able to do one thing to help them.

I wish we were in a different generation, one that didn't put this much obstacle in our lives. But then again, if we were in that world, we wouldn't be as strong together as we are now. But a girl can wish....

P.S. Man, I feel so stressed, so helpless, so angry, yet I can NOT do anything about it. I'm just now imagining and thinking, "What's next?" And through this all, I feel like I have no one to turn to so God, please give me the strength and guidance so that I may be able to carry on.

I wanna cry but my heart won't let my tears fall down even though it's feeling like it is taking all of my being not to collapse.

(Breathe baby girl, BREATHE. We'll get through this. Just stay strong and have faith.)