The priest was talking about suffering and how those who are weak and those who suffer are actually the ones who are strong in the eyes of God. I got that and I was pretty convinced. Then lunch came and I asked my dad a simple question, and like always, with absolutely NOOO disrespect for him, he kinda lectured me about surrounding subjects and made me realize that the priest was right. I have been selfish and even with one simple question, I can hurt him and my mom because sometimes, I ask for things they cannot provide and it hurts them because they just want what is best for me.
I realized, well he made me realize, that material things are not as important and that I shouldn't strive to be possessive or even obsessive towards them, because in the end, they are just that- THINGS. And I understand that, but sometimes, I feel extra guilty because I feel like I cannot control my desire to keep up with the Jones' as they say and it makes me feel really bad.
I'm glad I have a dad who can help me get my feet back to the ground and have my mind straightened back to reality and help me focus on what is really important- family, education, and success- which will definitely come. And with that, I can possess all that I want. I just need to have patience, understanding, and strength- just like in other aspects of life, like in relationships and what not.
On a lighter note [LOL], my girl Esther became a salvation for me today. She called me up when I was just laying on my bed, about to fall asleep and do nothing again, and we went to go get our nails did! Now, I got some french tip acrylics- well, with pink, almost reddish tips, and yeahh, well it's not all that much, but I appreciate seeing her since I haven't seen her in months and I missed my shawtayyy! :)
Took me away from hours and hours and hours that I have to myself to think and overanalyze shit. But today just felt great because I realized some good thangs, and I remembered what my babe said- how I should appreciate what we have, and even if we don't talk as much or whatever, it doesn't mean that we care less about each other.
babe u knw i nisse u alot
tht shud never b a question
n theres no doubt i feel the same
but i toldddddddd u
i get worried wen u say shit like tht
cuz i feel so much pressure
like i hav a 1% chance of not hurtin u
n it kills me cuz ur my nissey baby
n i always want u around in my life
i knw u feel strong boo
but u cnt let tht get in the way of life n u livin
its good 2 hav thm
but dnt let tht hinder u
let it guide u
u wud jus gotta b strong 4 me baby
jus dnt worry abt it
enjoy where we're at
dnt take it 4 granted
dnt beat urself up over nthn
we str8t boo
we're good
u hav me in a place tht no one is rlly capable of doin
so smile muthafucka
- and that goes along with the rest of my relationships as well
***OPTIMISTIC
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