They say the only time you waste in your life is the time you spend thinking you're alone. So how do you make those moments pass? Things aren't the best...but they could be worse. A majority of the time we spend thinking about whay we dont have instead of what we do . But what if what were' thinking about is someone we dont have...But did have?? I have many thoughts running through my mind. The nice people almost always get fucked over. It must just be the way this world works. Friends are liars. Lovers are deceivers. At times it can be fairly easy for me to put my feelings down...how do you describe aggression?? Im not even sure how im feeling. So many mixed emotions running through my ...my everything. My everything then is my everything to hate now. AND YOU!!!...I just dont know what to say...how to say. Am i the center of your joke? "Silence was her escape, but silence is rarely a refuge. Her thoughts still haunted her" Thoughts. Memories playing over and over in my head. Yes you did make my lip stop shivering...now it shivers with anger. I miss you. I dont need you. How do you forget someone you werent ready to lose?? Be strong. Our greatest battles are that with our own minds. You reminded me of brighter days. Time can do so much.
Shaking eyes blurred
I hate you at this very moment
Push me away wth your words
Every word make me hate you more
All will pass, I love you
Then once again I hate you
Love and hate with you
Aggrravation taking over
Your words sinking deep into my thoughts
Insane, you're insane and taking me with you
I want to understand
It was work and now what?
Gone so fast
I'll never understand
But maybe thats the concept
Everyone must wonder in their life
Ill forever wonder why it couldnt work
Wonder why everything seemed so perfect...
But really wasnt
"Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves"... I dont want to lose you. Good Friends. Truth is, Im sure you both dont regret it. You call Too. What's going to happen?? I really dont know what to tell you...
If you could for one second understand me...If you could for one minute look inside me. You would see. The good never get good. Memories mean nothing when it comes to you. I wish to erase you. The anger seeps in my blood...my mind... my everything. Aggression. Agitation. Embarrassment. Im the laughter. Everything seeps... deep... deeper... Ive drowned...Im dead...Im done
I thought her words were pretty damn intense so I had to blog about it because I can somehow relate on some levels. But have you ever been that person who always seems to analyze, overthink, and over contemplate everything, I mean EVERYTHING?! Because I sure know what that's like and how it feels because people always tell me to stop thinking- as if I didn't already know that was one of my biggest problem, if not theee most major. Sometimes, I just don't know how to stop having these thoughts and they add worry and anxiety in my life that is sooo unnecessary. Like take for example, if I get a BBM or a text that even slightly sound like it may have another meaning, I immediately go to the worse connotation of the message and analyze and overthink about what the person meant. I know it sucks for those people because I always end up feeling anxious, disappointed, and what not, but it's even worse for me! I can never not overthink things, unless I'm reassured, and that makes me feel weak- as much as I hate to admit it. SIGHHHHH! I don't wanna think of myself as an insecure person, but damn, it sure seems and looks that way and it really sucks. I really wish to change because it seems to push those I care about away, and if it doesn't, well it results into other negative feelings. I know I know, people always tell me to just stop thinking, as if it was that easy. Shit, I wish it was. I wish I could just snap out of it, and sometimes I do, but then something triggers it, and I'm back to being paranoid. But it helps to talk about it and it helps that the people close to me know about it and somehow try to understand it. I guess I'll just have to really be patient with myself and be strong, and continue to remind myself that I'm okay, for the sake of me and those around me who get stressed and worried when I am too.
***SOMEWHAT RELIEVED
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