1.4.3

I don't wanna be bitter. I don't wanna be angry or upset...and I don't wanna be sad. Although, I have felt those things in a span of a week and some change, but I just wanna try and put things in proper perspective now. Brian McKnight could not have sang it any better

"cuz I've never felt this way about loving darling...never felt so good, never felt this way about loving it feels so good"

yet at the same time, it has its "bad" too. Kinda also reminds of this one scene in Hitch when the white guy brings a box of donuts to Hitch's house and says something to the effect of...maybe if I keep eating these, it'll make my heart stop beating and get rid of this pain...not exactly that, but something like it. I really never felt this way about anyone before. It's overwhelmingly good at its peak and quite miserable at its lows. But I won't say I regret it because to me, I really do believe that God has a reason for why he places us in situations, groups us with people, and everything else in between.

I'm grateful for those people and those situations, and I'm very appreciative of what has happened because I learned something from him, from it, and from myself. I got to experience things I never would have thought possible, and for that, I'm thankful. I do miss you and I'll miss the good times and having you there no matter what. You know how I feel about you but I'd rather still be in good terms with someone and continue to be a part of his life, despite not playing the same role, than being completely out of it. Call it what you want, but at this point, I really don't mind because once again, 

I'm at a point in my life when I feel in complete control over my emotions and the things I want and need.

I wish I didn't have to go through the downfall, but I'm thankful for them now because with them, I'm closer with myself, those I love the most, and God. I learned to let go and let God. 

***THANK YOU 

P.S. Look at me getting all sentimental, but I'm not even scared anymore, just sometimes I wish I wasn't so scared when I had the chance. Another lesson learned.