Invictus.

I feel like damaged relationships are kinda like broken bones. They can perform surgery and fix it but it'll always have that injury, and it can always get injured in that same spot again and again, if you're not careful. As for relationships, people can heal and things can be mended but it's never gonna be the same. Mistakes will be forgiven but never forgotten. Something is always gonna be different. 

With that said, I'm not saying I'm innocent here because I am not at all. I played my part in making my mistakes and I'm truly sorry for them, they were selfish decisions and I'm lightweight paying for them still. But these same mistakes carry on because they take a toll on me.

I truly believe that I was created to be in this world with Ethos as my main motivation. I am a very sensitive individual. I try not to wear my heart on my sleeves, but the more I try not to, the more it shows, and the more it affects me. I've come to realize over the past year that I am far more sensitive than I'd like to admit to people. I'm far needier than I'd like to show people. I'm far more emotional than I'd like to expose to people. And lately, that's been okay with me. 

I also realized that lately, I can't and shouldn't depend on anyone but myself. Well, I depend on my parents, sister, and brother, but they can only do so much and I can only say so much because they have their own things too. But other than them, I can and should only rely on myself. People change and not everyone can adapt to my own changes. I realized that people can't and don't always wanna deal with emotions and I'm a very emotional person, so I need to learn to stand on my own so I can stand my own ground instead of being easily influenced by those around me, and worse, turned out.

I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person. 

I feel like I have to say that at least ten times, or however many times it would take for me to be comfortable with the fact that I base alot of my decisions on emotions. I wish I didn't. I wish I could just listen to my dad about being logical, about being practical, and my heart can just easily absorb those words and be about it. I tried, and believe me, I've tried many times. It would work for a little time, but in that short period of time, I found myself having to constantly remind myself of my purpose and my objective, and it would always revert back to how it was. It just was not me. 

I guess that might have been the problem. I tried to manipulate myself to be someone else, and that resulted in the fronts that I didn't really care and such, but it just was not me. So I'm trying something new. I'm gonna try to embrace what I am and see where I go from there. I doubt it would cause anymore fault than what I had already done, so I might as well. This is not an "emo" kind of entry either, I'm just tryna express the real me for a change. It's kinda liberating.