Thursday, January 14, 2010

Love with no Limits


Why is it so difficult to keep a relationship with a person if that person is in love with you? I'm not saying it's difficult at all if BOTH parties were in love, but if one is and the other isn't, the friendship that has been built up over the years just seems to crumble with the blink of an eye or the snap of two fingers.

Here me out here.

If both people knew the involvement with other people from jump, I don't see why the friendship has to suffer. I mean, I understand where the "lover" is coming from in terms of what he or she may feel about the "lovee" because I've been there, but really though, I don't get why you can't be friends still! Like for example, if both people knew the status of the other when it comes to the other's love life (i.e. they both know that the other is dating/seeing/talking to others and both made it clear that a relationship beyond friendship is either not suitable or nor wanted), why does the "lovee" have to suffer losing a good friend and the "lover" has to suffer some type of heartache?

It's a lose-lose situation if you ask me. Personally, if I was the "lover" in this case, I would tell the other person I was interested in something furthermore than what a mere friendship offers. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean "mere" as to degrade a friendship because such a relationship is truly powerful and beneficial in many ways. I'm just saying, if the "lover" clearly knew deep in his or her heart that he or she wanted something else, don't put yourself in that "friends zone" only. It's like you're setting yourself up for pain and tension, and frankly, a loss, of either a great friend or a potential mate, or even both.

As the "lovee" in this situation, I completely understand why the "lover" would stray away from contact of any kind (physical, emotionally, and even simple texts and phone conversations) BUT please also understand where I'm coming from. We've discussed it many times before, whether or not we're gonna be friends or more, and always it concludes to just being friends. Yes, I love you too, but it doesn't mean that I'd wanna start something with you, other than what was already brought to the table. In other cases, some "lovees" even bring up the desire of wanting to go to the next level, but for one reason or another, the "lovers" decide to remain friends and not "go there".

So then I come to this...emotion, somewhat of a discomfort. One of the worst things I have to go through is having to lose someone as a great friend because of UNmutual feelings. Okay, maybe not necessarily not mutual, but more of an unbalance in levels of such emotions (i.e. one can love someone as a friend, a best friend, but not as a mate). I just think it's something that can be worked out through better communication and effort, and personally, I think it's hurtful for both parties to experience such things.

Personally, I feel like if one really loved someone as much as he or she says and thinks they do, they would be there to be a good friend, a shoulder to lean on and cry to. Someone who won't judge them for their decisions, but guide them and help them be better...instead of leaving. But I know that it takes a lot of courage and strength to stay, and some people would rather leave and move on, and I understand that. But when I love, there is no boundaries nor limits towards that special emotion.

Ahhh, here she goes again, with her song being SO applicable with this particular situation.



"I'm in love with another man
And I'm so sorry, hey
But I love someone else"





But then again, maybe if things were meant to be between that "lover" and that "lovee" who knows, that man (or woman) just might be the one he or she loves...in the end.



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